Golf quotes
That looks like very good exercise,
but what is the little white ball for?
"Fore" ever golfing
If it goes right, it's a slice,
if it goes left, it's a hook,
if it goes straight, it's a MIRACLE!
The uglier a man's legs are,
the better he plays golf.
It's almost a law.
We speak of eyeball-to-eyeball encounters
between men great and small. Even more
reaching and revealing of character is
the eyeball-to-golfball confrontation,
whereby our most secret natures are
mercilessly tested by a small, round,
whitish object with no mind or will but
with a very definite life of its own,
and with whims perverse and beatific.
Indeed, the highest pleasure of golf may
be that on the fairways and far from all
the pressures of commerce and rationality,
we can feel immortal for a few hours.
A bad day of golf is better than a good day at work.
Eat...sleep...golf.
Go play golf.
Go to the golf course.
Hit the ball.
Find the ball.
Repeat until the ball is in the hole.
Have fun.
The end.
It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in
baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf
course.
OF COURSE everyone is GREEN at one time or another but the HOLE idea is to feel the DRIVE and not just PUTTER around. WOOD you rather have a CHIP on your shoulder or fly on the EAGLE's wings? Don't just CART around your BAG of BELOW PAR scores, FORE you are bound for SAND TRAPS. Join the CLUB. Have a BALL, and seek IRONY in life. The early BIRDie gets the worm. Don't get TEEd off! Just remember what BOGEY Beara might've said, "Put the heart before the GOLF COURSE." -Gina Marie Lauchner
Golf is 90 percent inspiration
and 10 percent perspiration
Golf is a game in which you yell FORE, shoot six, and write down five.
Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. It satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening-it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer
Golf is twenty percent mechanics and technique.
The other eighty percent is philosophy, humor,
tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship,
camaraderie, cussedness, and conversation
Golf is an ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an inaccessible hole with instruments ill-adapted to the purpose.
--Winston Churchill
SAYINGS
1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
2. "I wish I could play my normal game...just once."
3. "Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls."
4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
6. The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."
7. A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers...neither of whom can putt very well.
8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.
9. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you
go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
10. I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme Putt", you might wish to reconsider this game.
12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.
13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work... and both are expensive.
15. The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers...they shoot a "six," yell "fore" and write "five".
18. Swing easy. Hit hard.
19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your
personality might not be right for golf...it is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.
20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner
buys the drinks.
Happiness is a long walk with a putter.
"I've always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that I didn't have a chance to win." -Arnold Palmer
Golf: "A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood." -Samuel Johnson
"Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's not fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." -Arnold Daly
"No matter what happens- never give up a hole...In tossing in your cards after a bad beginning you also undermine your whole game, because to quit between tee and green is more habit-forming than drinking a highball before breakfast." -Sam Snead
"Golf does strange things to other people, too. It makes liars out of honest men, cheats out of altruists, cowards out of brave men and fools out of everybody." -Milton Gross
"Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than nineteen years of dealing with him across the desk." -Grantland Rice
"The fundamental problem with golf is that every so often, no matter how lacking you may be in the essential virtues required of a steady player, the odds are that one day you will hit the ball straight, hard, and out of sight. This is the essential frustration of this excruciating sport. For when you've done it once, you make the fundamental error of asking yourself why you can't do this all the time. The answer to this question is simple: the first time was a fluke." -Colin Bowles
"Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off." -Bruce Lansky
"It's still good sportsmanship to not pick up lost balls while they are still rolling." -Mark Twain
"The older you get the stronger the wind gets- and it's always in your face." -Jack Nicklaus
"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." -Jack Lemmon
"When I'm on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold up my one iron, 'caus I know even God can't hit a one iron." -Lee Trevino
"I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine." -Bruce Lansky
"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round." -Ben Hogan
"My best score ever was 103, but I've only been playing 15 years." -Alex Karris
"Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at." -Dave Hill
"Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee, who has a deep suntan, a one iron in his bag and squinty eyes." -Dave Marr
"The golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking about the mechanics of the act while you are performing." -Dave Hill
"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." -Winston Churchill
"Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don't you?" -Ben Hogan
"You don't know what pressure is until you've played for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket."-Lee Trevino
"Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six and write down five." -Paul Harvey
"A lot of guys who have have never choked, have never been in the position to do so." -Tom Watson
"I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them" -Harry Tofcano
"Golf is a game where guts and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing but an ulcer." -Tommy Bolt
"Golf is based on honesty, where else would you admit to a seven on a par three?" -Jimmy Demaret
"It's nice to have the opportunity to play for so much money, but it's nicer to win it." -Patty Sheenan
"I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games." -Ben Hogan
"Golf is an ideal diversion, but a ruinous disease." -Bertie Forbes
"Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money." -Lee Trevino
"There are no points for style when it comes to putting. It's getting the ball in the cup that counts." -Brian Swarbrick
"Golf is twenty percent mechanics and technique. The other eighty percent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness, and conversation." -Grantland Rice
"The harder you work, the luckier you get." -Gary Player "Victory is everything. You can spend the money, but you can never spend the memories." -Ken Venturi
"Golf is 90 percent inspiration and 10 percent perspiration." -Johnny Miller
"The number one thing about trouble is...don't get into more." -Dave Stockton
"It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on." -Lee Trevino
"Mulligan: invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more twenty yard grounder." -Jim Bishop
"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." -Bob Hope
"The only shots you can be sure of are those you've had already." -Byron Nelson
"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it." -Jimmy Demaret
"Most golfers prepare for disaster. A good golfer prepares for success." -Bob Toski
"You've just one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it." -Sam Snead
"The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it." -Bob Allen
"Golf is good walk spoiled." -Mark Twain
"We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs. He(Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot...At least he can't cheat on his score- because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded." -Bob Hope
"You can't lose an old golf ball." -John Willis
"Indeed, the highest pleasure of golf may be that on the fairways and far from all the pressures of commerce and rationality, we can feel immortal for a few hours." -Colman McCarthy
"My game is so bad I gotta hire three caddies- one to walk the left rough, one for the right, and one for the middle. And the one in the middle doesn't have much to do." -Dave Hill
"When he gets the ball into a tough place, that's when he's most relaxed. I think it's because he has so much experience at it." -Don Christopher(Jack Lemmon's Caddie)
"A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees." -Stephen Baker
"There are three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter." -Robert Browning
"Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well." -Craig Stadler
"Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle." -Jackie Gleason
"I'd like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me." -Seve Ballesteros
"We speak of eyeball-to-eyeball encounters between men great and small. Even more reaching and revealing of character is the eyeball-to-golfball confrontation, whereby our most secret natures are mercilessly tested by a small, round, whitish object with no mind or will but with a very definite life of its own, and with whims perverse and beatific." -John Stewart Martin
"Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?" -Phil Silvers
"The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." -Phyllis Diller
"I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters." -Bob Hope
"The person I fear most in the last two rounds is myself." -Tom Watson
" Everybody has two swings-a beautiful practice swing and the choked-up one with with which they hit the ball. So it wouldn't do either of us a damned bit of good to look at your practice swing." -Ed Furgol
"If your caddie coaches you on the tee, 'Hit it down the left side with a little draw,' ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to hit the caddie." -Jim Murray
"Always throw your clubs ahead of you. That way you don't have to waste energy going back to pick them up." -Tommy Bolt
"Always keep in mind that if God didn't want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn't come three to a sleeve." -Dan Jenkins
"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators." -Gerald Ford
"Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears." -Bobby Jones
"Actually, the only time I ever took out a one iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a seven to do that." -Jim Murry
"The right way to play golf is to go up and hit the bloody thing." -George Duncan
"If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen- you will hear an alibi." -Fred Beck
"He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf." -P.G. Wodehouse
"I played like s___." -Greg Norman after the Masters.
"Every rock'n'roll band I know, guys with long hair and tattoos, plays golf now." -Alice Cooper, 47.
"Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive." -Harvey Penick
"Nobody asked how you looked, just what you shot." -Sam Snead
"Happiness is a long walk with a putter." -Greg Norman
"You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them." -Jimmy Demaret
"Golf is an easy game...It's just hard to play." -unknown
"Playing golf is just like going to a strip club. You're all revved up, ready to go. But three hours later, you're depressed, plastered, and most of your balls are missing." -James Clark
"..corr blimey O'Reilly" - Peter Alliss is astounded by a put or shot at the British Open
"The mind messes up more shots than the body." Tommy Bolt
"In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of self expression. In America we call it golf."- Becker
"Golf is a sport in which the ball lies poorly but the player well" -Unknown
"They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that." -Gardner Dickinson
“Golf is like marbles for adults”- unknown
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled “Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden”. . . and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.- Not a quote but a word origin from J.Brown..
"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them......Oh my God, what have I just said?"
(USTV Commentator)
"The greatest sound in golf is the Wosh, Wosh, Wosh, of your opponents club as he hurls it across the fairway" - unknown
To Golf or Not to Golf? What a silly question.
I was cut out to be a pro golfer…But someone stitched me up wrong.
If frustration and humiliation is your aim…then golf is your game
A golfer's diet…Live on "greens" as much as possible!!
Housework is for women who don’t know how to golf.
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
"Gimme"…an uneasy agreement between two poor putters.
Gone golfin’…be back dark thirty.
If there’s no golf in heaven…I’m not going.
Fairways forever…Housework whenever!
I once gave up golf…It was the most terrifying week-end of my life.
I’m a two handicapper…my boss won’t let me off early, and my wife keeps me home week-ends!
I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’ed come up sliced.
I’ve spent most of my life golfing…the rest I’ve just wasted.
The game is called golf…all the other 4-letter words were taken.
He who has the fastest cart has the best lie.
I’m hitting the woods just great…but having a terrible time getting out of them!
Born to golf…Forced to work.
Are we playing men’s rules today…or do we have to count each stroke.
I hate golf…I hate golf…"Nice shot"…I love golf!
Golf is my bag!!
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
May thy ball lie in green pastures…and not in still waters.
If I hit it right, it’s a slice…If I hit it left, it’s a hook…If I hit it straight, it’s a mirac
ILife is a game, golf is serious.
Early to Bed, early to rise, golf all day, make up lies
When the going gets tough, the tough go golfing
Keep Golf a beautiful sport, leave the pants in the closet.
Dirty Golf Sayings
1. barely walk
10. Nuts... my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
And the number One thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:
1. Hold up... I need to wash my balls first.
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
-- Jim Murray
Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it.
-- Ted Ray
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Ed Furgol
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
-- Renee Hicks
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
-- Hank Aaron
I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.
-- Don Adams
I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.
-- Arnold Palmer
I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators.
-- Gerald R. Ford
The reason they call if 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.
-- Leslie Nielsen
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.
-- H. G. Wells (Bealby, 1915)
Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. ~Grantland Rice
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~John Updike
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad. ~A.A. Milne
Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. ~P.G. Wodehouse, A Mixed Threesome, 1922
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser. ~Arnold Palmer
Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course - the distance between your ears. ~Bobby Jones
I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right. ~Ben Crenshaw
Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. ~Arthur Daley
Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it. ~Ted Ray, Golf - My Slice of Life, 1972
The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes. ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1975
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. ~Paul Gallico
Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her. ~Val Doonican
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic. ~Author Unknown
It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification. ~Bruce McCall
Forget your opponents; always play against par. ~Sam Snead
If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. ~Gardner Dickinson
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. ~Will Rogers
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. ~Sam Snead
Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~William Wordsworth
What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive. ~Arnold Palmer
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ~Phyllis Diller
Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour. ~Author Unknown
A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood. ~Author Unknown, plagiarized from the Samuel Johnson quotation "It is a hopeless endeavour to unite the contrarieties of spring and winter; it is unjust to claim the priveleges of age, and retain the play-things of childhood." (Thank you, Frank Lynch.)
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. ~P.J. O'Rourke
The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ~Author Unknown
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~Dean Martin
Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's. ~Grantland Rice
Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~Mark Twain
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. ~G.K. Chesterton
They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it. ~Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. ~Joey Adams
Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one. ~Martha Beckman
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. ~Attributed to both Miller Barber and Lee Trevino
Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners. ~Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985
Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life. ~Author Unknown
In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base. ~Ken Harrelson
If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course? ~Larry Nelson
Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom. ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967
If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head. ~Harry Vardon
Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective. ~Huxtable Pippey
A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water. ~Bob Ryan
Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass. ~Bob Hope
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course. ~Lee Trevino
I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted. ~Author Unknown
They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken. ~Raymond Floyd
My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli
The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things. ~John Updike
Even God has to practice his putting. ~Golf Saying
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that. ~Jim Murray
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top. ~Pete Dye
I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart. ~Brent Musburger
If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. ~Lee Trevino
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop
I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them. ~Harry Toscano
I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. ~Gerald Ford
"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes." ~Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985
I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there. ~Bob Hope, about his golfing
I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it. ~Jim Dent
It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot. ~Nubar Gulbenkian, 1972
Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses. ~Adlai Stevenson
I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose. ~Gerald Ford
The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez
A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors. ~Barry Fitzgerald, Going My Way
I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105. ~Bob Hope
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez, on his Puerto Rican accent
My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. ~Lee Trevino
Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort. ~Abba Eban
It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. ~Hank Aaron, 1971
Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything. ~Michael Bamberger
One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something. ~Peter Jacobsen
You are meant to play the ball as it lies, a fact that may help to touch on your own objective approach to life. ~Grantland Rice
A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez
Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game. ~Phil Blackmar
The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did. ~Robert Browning, A History of Golf
Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around. ~Rick Reilly, "Master Strokes," Sports Illustrated
Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher. ~Jim Murray
Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors. ~Paul O'Neil
Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance. ~Alistair Cooke
No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul. ~Bruce McCall, "The Case Against Golf," Esquire
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~Sam Snead
Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt. ~Jack Nicklaus, on why he tees his ball high.
Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins. ~Jim Murray
Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. ~Tommy Armour
Who watches golf on TV? Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, "Will you look at that golf path? Pure pea gravel." ~Jeff Cesario
But you don't have to go up in the stands and play your foul balls. I do. ~Sam Snead, to Ted Williams, arguing which was more difficult, to hit a moving baseball or a stationary golf ball
A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. ~Mac O'Grady
Trevino is in a league by himself. We don't even count him. We figure when you come in second, you're a winner. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. ~Paul Harvey
In golf, you keep your head down and follow through. In the vice presidency, you keep your head up and follow through. It's a big difference. ~Dan Quayle
You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match. ~Steve Sax
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil. ~Author Unknown
One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water. ~Lee Trevino, describing how he was one under during a tournament
The average golfer doesn't play golf. He attacks it. ~Jack Burke
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. ~Tiger Woods
The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows. ~P.G. Wodehouse
It's so bad I could putt off a tabletop and still leave the ball halfway down the leg. ~J.C. Snead, on his putting
Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain't no game. ~Burt Shotten
There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray. ~Lee Trevino
Golf is not just an exercise; it's an adventure, a romance... a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined. ~Harold Segall
The worst club in my bag is my brain. ~Chris Perry
Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it. ~Robin Williams, 1986
Golf is hockey at the halt. ~Arthur Marshall, 1985
There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn't that set your blood racing? ~Peter Andrews
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~H.G. Wells, Bealby, 1915
[Golf] is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture. ~Winston Churchill
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. ~Ernest Hemingway
One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. ~Don Carter
I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play. ~Lee Trevino
A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well. ~Author Unknown
Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf. ~Jack Benny
Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well. ~Art Rosenbaum
Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward. ~Ken Venturi, on Art Rosenbaum
One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good. ~George Archer
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? ~Al Boliska
If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him. ~Bob Hope
Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez
"After all, golf is only a game," said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is a kink in their character. They simply don't realise what they are saying. ~P.G. Wodehouse, Order by Golf, 1922
When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates. It's left my memory circuits full of scars that won't heal. ~Mac O'Grady
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham
That son of a bitch was able to hole a putt over 60 feet of peanut brittle. ~Lloyd Mangrum, about Bobby Locke
Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists. By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists. ~Heywood Hale Broun
Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun? ~Bob Hope
His driving is unbelievable. I don't go that far on my holidays. ~Ian Baker-Finch, on John Daly
John certainly gives it a good hit, doesn't he? My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him. ~Nick Faldo, on John Daly
I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez
Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out. ~Princess Anne of Great Britain
One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa. ~Mac O'Grady, describing a typical round of golf
If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf. ~Percey Boomer
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. ~Ben Hogan
Yeah, after each of my downhill putts. ~Homero Blancas, asked if he had any uphill putts
When you hear someone shout "You da man," if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man. ~Ron Green, Charlotte Observer
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. ~Author Unknown
What's nice about our tour is you can't remember your bad shots. ~Bob Bruce, about the senior tour
Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again. ~Lon Hinkle
To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. ~Author Unknown
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. ~Joe E. Lewis
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. ~Will Rogers
I don't like watching golf on TV. I can't stand whispering. ~David Brenner
One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens. ~Pete Alfano
Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine. ~Jim Murray
Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable. ~A.P. Herbert, Misleading Cases, 1935
If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina. ~H.L. Mencken
All I've got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse. ~Eric Linklater, Poet's Pub, 1929
Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit? ~George Archer
A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do. ~Osbert Sitwell
If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. ~National Lampoon, 1979
It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon
Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose. ~Woodrow Wilson
A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible. ~Author Unknown
Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty. ~Author Unknown
Born to golf. Forced to work. ~Author Unknown
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off. ~Author Unknown
Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt. ~Fletcher Knebel
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~Jimmy DeMaret
May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters. ~Author Unknown
If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. ~Author Unknown
If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf. ~Henry Longhurst
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian
.The only hole in one I got was in my socks.
To get more distance out of your drives, hit the ball and run backwards!
I've always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that I didn't have a chance to win." -Arnold Palmer
"Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than nineteen years of dealing with him across the desk." -Grantland Rice
"The fundamental problem with golf is that every so often, no matter how lacking you may be in the essential virtues required of a steady player, the odds are that one day you will hit the ball straight, hard, and out of sight. This is the essential frustration of this excruciating sport. For when you've done it once, you make the fundamental error of asking yourself why you can't do this all the time. The answer to this question is simple: the first time was a fluke." -Colin Bowles
"Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off." -Bruce Lansky
"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." -Jack Lemmon
"When I'm on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold up my one iron, 'caus I know even God can't hit a one iron." -Lee Trevino
"I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine." -Bruce Lansky
"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round." -Ben Hogan
"My best score ever was 103, but I've only been playing 15 years." -Alex Karris
"Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at." -Dave Hill
"Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee, who has a deep suntan, a one iron in his bag and squinty eyes." -Dave Marr
"The golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking about the mechanics of the act while you are performing." -Dave Hill
"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." -Winston Churchill
"Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don't you?" -Ben Hogan
"You don't know what pressure is until you've played for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket."-Lee Trevino
"Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six and write down five." -Paul Harvey
"A lot of guys who have have never choked, have never been in the position to do so." -Tom Watson
"I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them" -Harry Tofcano
"Golf is a game where guts and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing but an ulcer." -Tommy Bolt
"Golf is based on honesty, where else would you admit to a seven on a par three?" -Jimmy Demaret
"It's nice to have the opportunity to play for so much money, but it's nicer to win it." -Patty Sheenan
"I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games." -Ben Hogan
"Golf is an ideal diversion, but a ruinous disease." -Bertie Forbes
"Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money." -Lee Trevino
"There are no points for style when it comes to putting. It's getting the ball in the cup that counts." -Brian Swarbrick
"Golf is twenty percent mechanics and technique. The other eighty percent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness, and conversation." -Grantland Rice
"The harder you work, the luckier you get." -Gary Player "Victory is everything. You can spend the money, but you can never spend the memories." -Ken Venturi
"Golf is 90 percent inspiration and 10 percent perspiration." -Johnny Miller
"The number one thing about trouble is...don't get into more." -Dave Stockton
"It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on." -Lee Trevino
"Mulligan: invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more twenty yard grounder." -Jim Bishop
"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." -Bob Hope
"The only shots you can be sure of are those you've had already." -Byron Nelson
"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it." -Jimmy Demaret
"Most golfers prepare for disaster. A good golfer prepares for success." -Bob Toski
"You've just one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it." -Sam Snead
"The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it." -Bob Allen
"Golf is good walk spoiled." -Mark Twain
"We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs. He(Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot...At least he can't cheat on his score- because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded." -Bob Hope
"You can't lose an old golf ball." -John Willis
"Indeed, the highest pleasure of golf may be that on the fairways and far from all the pressures of commerce and rationality, we can feel immortal for a few hours." -Colman McCarthy
"My game is so bad I gotta hire three caddies- one to walk the left rough, one for the right, and one for the middle. And the one in the middle doesn't have much to do." -Dave Hill
"When he gets the ball into a tough place, that's when he's most relaxed. I think it's because he has so much experience at it." -Don Christopher(Jack Lemmon's Caddie)
"A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees." -Stephen Baker
"There are three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter." -Robert Browning
"Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well." -Craig Stadler
"Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle." -Jackie Gleason
"I'd like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me." -Seve Ballesteros
"We speak of eyeball-to-eyeball encounters between men great and small. Even more reaching and revealing of character is the eyeball-to-golfball confrontation, whereby our most secret natures are mercilessly tested by a small, round, whitish object with no mind or will but with a very definite life of its own, and with whims perverse and beatific." -John Stewart Martin
"Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?" -Phil Silvers
"The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." -Phyllis Diller
"I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters." -Bob Hope
"The person I fear most in the last two rounds is myself." -Tom Watson
" Everybody has two swings-a beautiful practice swing and the choked-up one with with which they hit the ball. So it wouldn't do either of us a damned bit of good to look at your practice swing." -Ed Furgol
"If your caddie coaches you on the tee, 'Hit it down the left side with a little draw,' ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to hit the caddie." -Jim Murray
"Always throw your clubs ahead of you. That way you don't have to waste energy going back to pick them up." -Tommy Bolt
"Always keep in mind that if God didn't want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn't come three to a sleeve." -Dan Jenkins
"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators." -Gerald Ford
"Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears." -Bobby Jones
"Actually, the only time I ever took out a one iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a seven to do that." -Jim Murry
"The right way to play golf is to go up and hit the bloody thing." -George Duncan
"If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen- you will hear an alibi." -Fred Beck
"He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf." -P.G. Wodehouse
"I played like s___." -Greg Norman after the Masters.
"Every rock'n'roll band I know, guys with long hair and tattoos, plays golf now." -Alice Cooper, 47.
"Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive." -Harvey Penick
"Nobody asked how you looked, just what you shot." -Sam Snead (Tnx..JP)
"Happiness is a long walk with a putter." -Greg Norman (Tnx..JoeT)
"You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them." -Jimmy Demaret (Tnx..TZ)
"Golf is an easy game...It's just hard to play." -unknown (Tnx..KK) "Playing golf is just like going to a strip club. You're all revved up, ready to go. But three hours later, you're depressed, plastered, and most of your balls are missing." -James Clark (tnx..LC)
"..corr blimey O'Reilly" - Peter Alliss is astounded by a put or shot at the British Open (Tnx..CM)
"The mind messes up more shots than the body." Tommy Bolt (Tnx..AC)
"In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of self expression. In America we call it golf."- Becker (Tnx..bs, who's becker?)
"Golf is a sport in which the ball lies poorly but the player well" -Unknown (Tnx..clv)
"They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that." -Gardner Dickinson (ditto)
“Golf is like marbles for adults”- unknown (Thanks..EMcC)
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled “Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden”. . . and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.- Not a quote but a word origin from J.Brown..tnx
GOLF SAYINGS
1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by
the occasional miracle.
2. "I wish I could play my normal game...just once."
3. "Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul
balls."
4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even
during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot
rarely make a perfect shot.
6. The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it
again."
7. A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two
golfers...neither of whom can putt very well.
8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play;
it is always possible to get worse.
9. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and
shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you
go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
10. I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme Putt", you
might wish to reconsider this game.
12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you
can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.
13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't
work... and both are expensive.
15. The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add
correctly.
17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers...
they shoot a "six," yell "fore" and write "five".
18. Swing easy. Hit hard.
19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough
than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your
personality might not be right for golf...it is also just a matter of
time before the IRS investigates your business.
20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the
ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner
buys the drinks.
Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. ~Grantland Rice
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~ George Deukmejian
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~ Author Unknown
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~John Updike
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd
If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
~Gardner Dickinson
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. ~Sam Snead
Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~William Wordsworth
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. ~ Paul Harvey
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~Jack Benny
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? ~ Al Boliska
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.~ Ben Hogan
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon
It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~ Mark Twain
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. ~ Woodrow Wilson
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~Dean Martin
If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. ~Tommy Bolt
Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one. ~Author Unknown
I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
~Author Unknown
I have spent most of my life golfing ..... the rest I have just wasted. ~ Author Unknown
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. ~ Pete Dye
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~ Jim Bishop
I am hitting the woods just great ..... but having a terrible time getting out of them! ~ Author Unknown
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. ~ Gerald Ford
My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~Pete Dye
I'm hitting the woods just great ....but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~Author Unknown
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~Jack Lemmon
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~Mark Twain
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
~Jimmy DeMaret
May thy ball lie in green pastures .... and not in still waters. ~Author Unknown
If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
~Author Unknown
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
~George Deukmejian
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~Author Unknowns
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